The Noodle Game
by queenhelba
Summary: Jack/Yusei/Crow - XXX/Fingers! - Crack!Fic - Based on Episode 114. Crow is dissatisfied with the results of a fair game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, so Yusei suggests something different to adhere to Crow's "fair and balanced" attitude.


A/N: This fic has a funny story behind it. It is based off episode 114, in which Aki says to Crow "You only had to wear the costume because you lost at the dare." It seemed unfitting, so I was initially speculative about the translation, but not before a small discussion about what the "dare" may of been sprung up in my episode review on Livejournal. The translation, of course, turned out to be wrong. The group had played Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide the outcome, but that didn't stop me from playing with the word, "dare". And thus, this fic: (as for Jack's character, I remind you to watch 115. Character consistency? WHAT'S THAT?)/

It was always how they had decided things. Three strikes and the loser gets last place, or first, depending on the circumstance. Crow always seemed to find himself on the losing end of rock, paper, scissors, much to Jack's delight. Yusei would just shrug and say it was the will of fate.

Fate was an asshole. And because of a silly, children's game, Crow ended up being the one who did the dishes, swept the floor, mopped the floor, bought dinner, etc. You name it, he's done it. 90% of the time it seemed he was slaving away while his friends snickered behind his back. It wasn't funny.

So when Jack's "brilliant" idea to catch Jaeger was announced, Crow did not feel confident that he'd be getting the easy job.

"I am NOT wearing that, Jack." Crow groaned.

Bruno chuckled, his hand to his mouth. "But it matches your hair!"

Crow put his hands on his hips, frowned and turned to the snickering boy. "Shut up. All you have to do is wave and point."

Yusei smiled affectionately. "I'm sorry, Crow, but fate is fate." Yeah yeah, Crow knew that line.

Crow sighed and ruffled his hair. "Are you and Jack even doing _anything_? Why meeee?"

"Of course we are!" Jack roared, slamming his fist on the table. "Yusei is our fail-safe if things don't go according to plan!"

"Why can't I be the fail-safe?"

"Because you've proven time and again that you can't even save yourself! Just put on the goddamn ramen cup!"

Bruno squealed with laughter.

Crow pouted. So it was going to be like that then. Crow, you're short, wear the derpy ramen cup. Crow, you lost the game, wear the fucking ramen cup, it matches your hair.

"I refuse." Crow crossed his arms and stood firm.

Jack leaped from his seat, knocking it backward. "ABSOLUTELY NOT."

"You can't make me!"

"The hell I can't! COME HERE."

"No!"

"Stop running so I can kill you!"

"If you're going to kill me, why would I stop!"

"Okay okay, you two..." Yusei sighed. He stood and put his hand on his chin. "If Crow really doesn't want to wear the costume, we can't exactly make him."

"RIGHT." Crow responded from the floor where Jack had pinned him with his foot. "Jack's plan. Jack should wear the costume."

"YOU LITTLE-"

"I propose we do a different game to decide." Yusei said.

Crow's jaw dropped. "NO! I've had enough of these games! ...Jack, get off me."

Yusei tried to remain calm. "We drew straws but you said that was unfair. You called Jack a cheater in rock, paper, scissors. But there's no other choice but to play a game to decide the wearer of the costume. If you won't settle for the other two games, I'll try to think of a new one to make you happy."

"How about a duel?" Crow asked.

"Too long."

Jack smirked. "You'd lose anyway."

"Shut up, Jack! I'll kick your ass!"

"Can't kick my ass when you can't even move your feet!"

"Get off me!"

Yusei returned to his seat and thought for a moment. If he was given more time, he could really come up with a game to test Crow's skill and have the outcome be fair. Time was ticking by fast though; even _if _they had a duel, the chances of attracting Jaeger hours from now would be slim. They needed to catch him while they knew he was around.

"FFFFFFFF STOP TICKLING ME, JACK. STOP ITTTTT."

Yusei turned to glance at the boys still struggling on the floor. Jack was sitting atop Crow, his hands outstretched like claws, tearing into Crow's abdomen.

"I'll stop when you agree to be the ramen!"

"I WILL NOT BE THE- HAHAHAH STOP TICKLING ME."

Yusei smirked. Well, there was always that _one_ way of deciding things. Putting aside bravery and racing, it was the most assured way for a man to admit defeat. And by this _one way, _Yusei meant a masturbation match.

"I have an idea." Yusei chuckled. He was positive Jack would agree, but Crow? Well, it was going to be two against one. Crow would have to play, regardless.

"Does it involve pouring ramen in his eyes?"

"What..?"

"Not quite," Yusei snickered. "I say we play a little masturbating game. Whoever comes first has to wear the costume."

"HA." Jack jumped off Crow, further smashing him into the concrete. "I can win this one EASY."

Crow sat up, rubbing his abdomen. "This game sounds rigged!" He argued.

"At least it doesn't involve bread!"

"...Ew.."

Yusei shook his head. "Rules are as follows: Everyone sits in a circle and they HAVE to stroke themselves. Whoever comes first loses. Simple enough."

"But-"

Jack leaped back onto Crow and yanked him off the ground by his collar. "You're going to lose at this game too!" He cheered. Crow rolled his eyes and shoved the man aside. That Jack, always thinking he could win at _any_ game. Crow pondered for a moment. Well, he wasn't sure about his opponents, but masturbation happened to be his forte, privately, of course. Crow was actually confident who could pull off _at least_ second place.

He sighed as he accepted his final decision. "Fine. But no chea-"

"YES." Jack's clothes went flying into a corner somewhere and he stood stark-naked in the garage, hands on his hips as he awaited the signal to go.

"J-Jack the windows are open! We're going upstairs!" Yusei slapped his hand to his face.

"Oh! Everyone upstairs then! ...What about Bruno?"

Bruno had already begun shaking his head. "Oh." Yusei mumbled, turning his attention to the other boy. "Bruno can be the referee."

"YAY." Bruno cheered. "I have a whistle!"

And so the boys climbed the stairs and decided the game would be best played on the living room floor, where each could sit in a perfect circle, in good light, well enough for Bruno to judge the game's outcome.

"I can't believe I agreed to this..." Crow mumbled, sliding out of his jeans.

Yusei grinned. "Afraid of losing?" He teased.

"HA. I'm positive I have more self-control than both of you COMBINED."

Yusei turned to face Jack, their eyes met and he suddenly started snickering. Jack couldn't contain himself, and joined in the laughter.

"WHAT?" Crow shouted. An inside joke, was it? He began feeling cheated already.

"Nothing." Yusei said, raising his hand to hide his smile. "You're just um...small."

Crow's eyes dropped to his penis. "Not small." He felt his cheeks flush slightly.

At last, every article of clothing had been removed, even their shirts, which Crow had insisted were unrelated to the game and their removal was irrelevant. However, Jack argued that his shirt had already been removed, which would have put him at a disadvantage if no one else was fully naked. Crow didn't feel like arguing with that view, so he tossed his shirt and coat aside.

Jack was the first to settle on to the ground and place his dick in his hand.

"Wait Jack, don't start yet!" Yusei said, quickly settling himself on the floor.

Jack nodded. "I'm going to be generous and give you two a handicap."

Crow leap to his knees. "Do I look impaired! I don't need a handicap!" He shouted. Once again, Jack and Yusei began their secretive snickering. Crow frowned.

"Not small..."

"Okay, Bruno, say when!"Yusei chirped. "Everyone, hands on their knees."

"Ready!" Bruno said, whistle to his mouth. "Three, two, one..." Instead of reaching for their dicks, three pairs of hands simultaneously flung up to their ears.

"THAT WAS NOT NECESSARY, BRUNO." Jack shouted, lowering his hands back to his lap.

Bruno blushed. "S-sorry..."

"Wait wait wait. That was a false start!" Crow said. "Start over!"

Yusei raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't make any sense, whoever started first would, in theory, lose first..."

"START OVER."

And so, Bruno recounted. "Three, two, one...GO!"

And away they went. Crow beamed confidently. Slow and steady wins the race, that was his motto anyway. Yusei chose a slow, irregular stroke. Jack on the other hand seemed bent on proving exactly how fast he could move his hand in a rhythmic motion.

"Jack's going to lose." Yusei chuckled quietly.

"Pfft, no way. I can fap at light-speed and still finish last." Yusei burst into laughter.

Crow on the other hand, was taking it all very seriously. Fine, let Jack try to prove himself. He could just _see_ the look on Jack's face when he won. _"How'd that swift approach work out for ya?"_ He grinned, imagining Jack crammed into the cardboard ramen cup suit, a sad, defeated look plastered on his once mocking and arrogant face.

"Crow, you're grinning maniacally. You must be thinking about what sort of tricks you can do in a ramen cup."

"PFFT It is YOU who is going to be doing tricks in the ramen suit, Jack!"

Jack laughed. "Both of you are children compared to my perfected technique."

"The technique of losing?"

"Watch closely, Crow. You may learn something. Notice the 4/4 beat..."

"This is masturbation, Jack, not music theory."

Jack scoffed. "And that is why you're going to LOSE! Yusei, initiate _the plan._"

"What."

"INTIATE THE PLAN!"

"OH." Apparently they had discussed this plan prior to beginning the game because Yusei was smirking again. Crow groaned. He should of known they'd find a way to cheat.

"Heyyyyyy, what are you two- oh."

Jack and Yusei's ultimate plan turned out to be sensual kissing and foreplay. Wonderful. "T-That's cheating! You guys!" Crow whined. Why did he ALWAYS have to be on the losing end?

Yusei smiled as Jack's tongue slid into his mouth. "Mmmm." He pulled away for only a second. "Not cheating. Keep stroking, Crow!"

Jack turned, leaving Yusei anxiously awaiting the return of his mouth. "If you stop stroking, it's an immediate loss!"

Crow growled. No matter. They were only making it worse for themselves... well, maybe. Yusei crawled to his knees, being sure to position his ass in Crow's direction. He tried not to look, but Jack's spare hand found it's way down Yusei's back and hovered a finger above the spread hole.

Crow's dick twitched eagerly. He gulped. "This is so not cool..." Jack kept his eyes, locked between Crow's legs, awaiting that moment he would either forfeit or come.

"Give up yet?" Jack asked with a confident smirk.

Crow grinned nervously. "Hmph, no way." He tried to slow his pace, take his time and ignore the arousing scene in front of him, but friction between his palm and his hand, in addition to the ridiculous act that was being played for him, was really becoming quite a nuisance. He switched hands, hoping the other would be colder and help him chill out a bit, but it was just the same.

"_Dammit."_ He thought. Jack's finger slipped into Yusei's hole, causing the kneeling boy to cry out feverishly. "Ahh, Jack...!"

"Fucking cheaters fucking ffghdfdfg..." Crow mumbled. Maybe quitting now was better than being covered in his own ejaculation, but Jack's mocking eyes said otherwise. This wasn't just any game... this was a test of pride.

"Getting tired?" Jack mocked as he noticed Crow's switching of hands. Crow roughly shook his head

and glared.

Jack removed his fingers from Yusei's hole and began crawling in Crow's direction.

"NOOOOO you don't. Get away from me, you cheater!"

"Not cheating!" Jack laughed. "Yusei, you hold his arms."

Yusei, one hand still firmly clutched on his dick, had no problem kneeing Crow onto his back. "Don't remove your hand, Crow! Remove it and you lose!" Crow struggled, but both men used their weight to force him against the ground. "This game is rigged! Bruno, call foul!"

"Not foul!" Bruno cheered from the couch.

"Whose side are you on anyway!"

"Hush, Crow, and spread your legs. You're only delaying your imminent defeat." Yusei said calmly, and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Crow pouted. "Yuuuuusei! I can't believe you!" Yusei only shrugged, and clambered atop Crow, holding one arm with a knee and the other with his spare hand.

"Wha-what are you doing, Jack!" Crow yelped nervously, attempting to peer past Yusei who was blocking his view. Jack chuckled and slid two fingers into his mouth, coating them thoroughly with saliva.

"Nonononnonono do NOT put those- FUCK."

Two wet digits forced their way into Crow's tight entrance and he subconsciously arched his hips toward the intrusion.

"Oh? He likes it, Yusei!"

"I DO NOT I DO NOT TAKE THEM OUT."

Laughing, Jack responded by shoving them deeper. He was clearly enjoying Crow's suffering.

"God dammit that hurts..." Crow mumbled. His eyes caught Yusei's, who was staring almost lustfully down at him. "What?"

Yusei smiled softly, licking his lips. "Nothing." He chirped. "I was just thinking how good it would feel to ride you, slowly, feeling you hard, thick cock slamming into my-"

"OKAY STOP IT." Crow felt like crying. This was so not fair.

"Chill the fuck out, Crow, you lost the moment you began." Jack said. "This is your destiny, my friend."

Yusei giggled. "Your destiny is to be held down and fingered until you come! That's actually not a bad destiny Crow, be grateful."

"Fuck you."

"HEY. Quit being a sore loser." Jack barked, wiggling in a third finger.

His suffering was a game to them. They didn't care whether or not a challenge was fair, they just wanted to see him on all fours while they stood idly by and laughed from a distance.

"You guys are the worst friends EVER." Crow whimpered.

"Cheer up, pal." Yusei moaned. "Your negative attitude is turning me off. Think of it this way. Your hot reaction to Jack's foreplay is really arousing. You may just be able to snag second place." He winked.

Crow pondered this thought. Was Yusei telling the truth? Was he going to come soon? He eyed Yusei's dick curiously. Yes, that was most definitely a bead of pre-cum. If only he could move his arm...

"But your arm stays here."

"God damn you all."

Jack thrust his fingers rhythmically, sliding them deeper with every push. Crow loosened gradually, almost _too_ easily, and Jack smiled wickedly. "You're loosening nicely, Crow... ready to come yet?"

Crow replied with a simple moan, because really, it was the only sound he was capable of making anymore. Jack's fingers honestly felt amazing to his tight hole; he wished he could have had them in a less humiliating position, but he bit back his pride and honorably accepted his loss.

"I think he's going to come, Jack..." Yusei whispered playfully. Crow bit his lip and nodded in agreement. "He says he is!"

"Finally."

Crow could sense the exhaustion in Jack's voice. Clearly, playing by the rules had a price. Jack could of stopped stroking himself at any time, but for some reason had refused to do so.

"Ahh.." Crow moaned softly, arching his hips.

Jack sighed and rubbed his balls anxiously. "You can do it..!" He mumbled the cheer halfheartedly.

The drips of Yusei's pre-cum against his chest and his gentle sighs were really sending Crow to the edge. "Fuck...nnn..." He titled his head, tossing it side-to-side as he felt the orgasm rising.

"Ah...yeah..." Crow spread his legs widely, hinting to Jack to make the fingers go deeper. Jack knew this signal all too well and willfully complied.

"Ahh! Fuck, yeah, right there!" Crow clutched his cock tightly as his seed poured out, rushing into a small pool on his stomach. Above him, Yusei's once soft and quiet moans had turned to gasps as he too met his climax. His honor attained, Jack removed the fingers, positioned his dick on Crow's chest, and with a final rub, spilled his release not long after. The two boys collapsed beside Crow on to the floor, panting violently.

"Well..." Jack said not a whole minute later. Crow prepared himself for the verbal assault. Jack unexpectedly leaped to his feet. "I WIN."

Crow rolled his eyes and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arms. "Pffft, whatever."

"So, you'll wear the ramen cup, right?"

Crow groaned, touching the sticky mess spilled on his torso. He cringed. "Uhg. Can I have a wet rag or something..."

"YOU'LL WEAR THE RAMEN CUP, RIGHT?"

Crow punched the floor. "I'll wear the fucking ramen cup!" He shouted.

Yusei laughed. "Poor Crow. But it was all worth it, right?" Yusei teased. Crow flicked his eyes upward to meet Yusei's. They were mocking, but kind, like always. Crow smirked.

"Hmph. You guys won this time." He rested his hand on Yusei's chin. "But let me have Jack's position next time, then we'll see who comes first."

Yusei trembled as the thought of Crow taking him raced through his mind.

"Oh, how are you doing, Bruno?" Jack asked while casually pulling up his pants.

Bruno was coated in a thin layer of sweat, slightly flushed and the pillow between his legs obviously wasn't there because it was comfortable. "I...need to use the bathroom!" He jumped up and flung himself into the bathroom, the click of the lock sounding behind him.

Jack chuckled, but turned his attention back to Crow. "CROW IS A RAMEN."

"That doesn't even make sense." He mumbled. "Can I have a wet rag?"

"You know," Yusei said, slipping on his coat, "I think this game has proven to be quite the appropriate method of making a final decision."

"Yeah!" Jack agreed, "Because Crow always loses, regardless!"

Crow leaped from the floor, his hands balled in fists. "I would have won if you hadn't cheated!"

"Crow, you...have a little something on your chest..."

"Uhg. Fuck you all. I'm going to find a wet rag."

"And change into the ramen cup." Yusei chirped

Crow sighed. "And change into the ramen cup."


End file.
